Because you are there for me over and over and over again. You listen to me rant for hours about the same thing. You sit and you listen and nod. You patiently let me talk out my emotions. From anger, to being hurt, to be scared. You listen to them all.

You always tell me the truth. You are so brutally honest. I usually won’t take it from others, but when it comes from you I am okay with it. You tell me when i am being stupid or a brat. You tell me when an outfit doesn’t look good on me. And you tell me straight up if i am being a B.

But you also remind me of all my good qualities. You are always there with comforting words. You see the good in me when I am too blind to see it myself.

We don’t have to talk every day and sometimes are conversations end abruptly.  And that is perfectly okay. 

I am not afraid to be me. I bare it all. because you won’t judge me. And I know you will always care.

You remind me of Allah swt and inspire me to be a better Muslim.

Because you are just an amazing person overall.

Thank you for always being there for me <3

Keep your eye on the prize. It is so easy to get caught up in life, work, school, friends, love. It’s easy forget to get what your goals are.

The tricky thing about intentions are, if you don’t remind yourself constantly of them it is very easy to get lost. You start off doing something for the right reason, but in the middle of the planning and doing you get lost. And you know what? That is perfectly fine. It is a part of life. The important thing is to reset yourself every now and then. 

And in life, this world is constantly trying to make us stray. It’s all about instant satisfaction. You actively have to look through the foggy haze of temporary happiness. As happy as something might make you feel in that instant, how much is it contributing to your aakhira?

I am more or less screaming that I need to talk and you just dont care.

It is nearly midnight and I should be sleeping, but alas here I am typing away.

A lot has happened since graduation. I know have written here a lot since then, but I have just been reflecting on the past.

Towards the end of college I was freaking out. I honestly had no idea what I wanted to do. I hated research, didn’t want to become a doctor, and wasn’t really that interested in teaching. Then, alhamduAllah, Allah blessed me with a job at GU. I took it because I needed a job and money, but I got so much more in return. Firstly, I met some amazing people. Supportive friends. We hang out, joked around, are there for each other. And they are constantly reminding me of how much they believe in me. I come from a culture that thinks it is better to put you down out of fear or arrogance. So my self-esteem never had a chance to grow. Which brings me to the my second point. I found a job I love, and a research area I am in love with. Yes, work is tiring, but I love it. I get excited when my cells work and when my signal to noise is good. This job has motivated me to get my PhD inshAllah and do something. It has opened up the possibilities of doing something in science and helping people at the same time. And I am not just talking about making drugs people can use. I am talking about using the knowledge I acquire to fight the ridiculous drug companies.  So two years ago I was scared college senior. Now alhamduallah I feel like I have a good plan for the next few years inshAllah.

Also, I remember how hurt I would be by some people in college. I let stupid stuff get to me and it just plain sucked. Well two things have changed. First, I have learned to get over things. Secondly, alhamduAllah I am starting to rely on people less. I am not saying relying on people is a sign of weakness, just that when your happiness is connected to others, it is completely out of your control. But when you hand things over to God, no matter what happens you are set. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still have freak out moments, but I am getting there inshAllah.

Now and then I think about the past and how certain people treated me and how it was not okay. I am not particularly angry, but I also dont find the need to be best friends with them. I don’t wish anyone any harm, actually I pray that they have a successful life. I just don’t need them in mine. The question is to talk to the person about what they did? Or just let it get and move on. Sometimes people don’t have reoccurring roles in your life, just merely guest appearances. 

Another thing I am learning is being comfortable with who I am and what I believe, but also being open to critiques and making myself a better person. It is a thin line between arrogance and a terrible self esteem. You just have to strike that middle ground. Don’t be afraid to voice your concern about something you believe in, but also do it in a correct manner and the correct setting. Be happy with yourself for achieving great things, but also realize you only did so with the help of God. Be YOU, but also make sure that person can fit under the banner of Islam. (this is a little to myself, more than anyone else)

Oh! And how can I forget? I am living on my own. It is great alhamduAllah. It is a huge responsibility and very expensive, but it is a great experience. If I slip or don’t do something, I only have myself to blame.

Anyways, what i am trying to verbalize is I am happy. Content. Elated. Relaxed. Tired, yet fulfilled. 

Life is good.

1. Half Syrian, half Jordanian. Originally Palestinian on the Jordan side. Born and raised in the US. Raised under the shade of Islam.
2. I love drug development/neuroscience. 
3. I get really bad headaches and migraines. Headaches on a weekly basis. Let me tell you this. They are draining.
4. I want to memorize the Quran inshAllah, but my tajweed is so bad and I def. have not committed myself to it.
5.  I love to bake.
6. Disheartened by this world and how our goal in life has shifted to money and money only. Where is the humanity?
7. Late night thoughts and regrets kill me every night.
8. Addicted to technology, but hate it.
9. Broke my right arm in fifth grade and havent been able to fully turn it since.
10. As much as I care about what is going on the in the ME i cant bring myself to cry like when i read a book. Does that make me a bad person?
11. I love smoothies.
12. I love hoodies and comfortable pants. 
13. Truly love some of the people in my life.
14. I tell my mom everything. Other than the stuff i tell NO ONE.
15. Truly scared i will never that one person.
16. Once i love something i will defend it, even if it is as stupid as a book. Probably even more than some people i love. Probably because the book is whatever I want it to be.
17. Got my tongue pierced for sometime in HS.
18. As much as regrets hurt, I know that i had to experience whatever happened in order to be where i am today.
19. Love my job, even though it is stressful at times.
20. Sometimes I just need you to notice me.
21. Pirating, music. Two things I go back and forth on. Allahuma ahidina.
22. Not this amazing person that some people think I am.
23. Watch a lot of tv so i dont have to think.
24. I like to write poetry or write in general.
25. Really really really want to do my PhD inshAllah.
26. I can open a starbursts in my mouth. 
27. I love painting my nails, but then get very ocd about removing them.
28. I would like to start a youtube channel.
29. I walk this thin line of being confident and being scared to death.
30. Cats. enough said.

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